These stories reflect the perspectives of kids, adults and every age in between.  Mostly they are a snapshot of a  moment. 

ALL FALL DOWN

             I love my little brother but sometimes he can be so annoying.  He will repeat the stupidest thing over and over and over again.  He truly thinks he's being funny each time.  I get annoyed.  Then I get mad.  Finally I feel bad that I got mad at him.

             I don't get to see him as much as I'd like.  He lives with my mom most of the time.  I worry about him so when I get mad at him for being annoying I end up feeling bad for being mad.  I know I should just let those little things go.

              Something happened a while ago that keeps me thinking about this.  It's one of those memories that you can feel fresh every time it pops into your head.  We were crossing a busy street and needed to hurry up before the light changed.  As usual he was dawdling.  Just as we stepped into the street he tripped on his shoelace and fell flat face down.  I heard him slap the pavement.  An older teenager behind said, “Whoa.”  We were already halfway across the street when we turned back to see him flat on the pavement.  We jumped back, helped him up and got out of the street.

              So much happened then.  He looked all right so we rushed on across the street.  I was mad at him because I kept telling him to retie the long laces on his shoes.  I reminded him that I have said this.  When I looked at him a cry was just bursting out.  It was like when a baby gets hurt and holds back a few seconds.  Then it makes a face and a cry just explodes.  It was like that except my little brother is 12.  At the same time I noticed his knee was bleeding.

            That mad, scared, ashamed, worried feeling is just awful because it stays with you.  All the times I've worried about him were right there.  All the times I've been bad at him were there too.  Those mixed with the sight of a 12-year-old boy choking on his tears was too much.

            Most of the time I think my brother is pretty tough.  He has to be because of how he has to live.  That scene scared me.  Suddenly I saw him fragile and vulnerable.  I didn't want to know that.  I just wanted to get across the street.  I think about that, how I just wanted to get across the street and then something came out of nowhere that will be with me always..

             My son just graduated from high school.  He had a rough time.  I wonder how the decisions I may shaped him.

            There is an incident I think about a lot.  It was his seventh birthday.  The divorce was still fresh and very bitter.  I took him, his best friend and his older sister to an amusement park.  He had picked the place because they had water rides and go karts.  He really wanted to ride the go karts.

            When we bought tickets the attendant pointed to the wall and to a red line.”  He has to be that tall to ride the go karts."  She said.  I'd known that and so did he.  We figured it would be close.  His friend and sister made it.  He was too short.  “OK", I said.  “We’ll do the bumper boats instead."

            When I looked at him his lips were trembling and his eyes were filled with tears.  He was good about it though.  We did OK on the bumper boats but I could see he was  not having a great time.  He kept looking over at his friend and sister on the go karts.  For the rest of the day it was clear that the joy and gone out of him.

            I knew about the line on the wall.  I could have coached him to gain an inch and maybe pass.  I thought that was wrong.  I chose his disappointment in favor of the lesson.  Follow the rules.  Wait your turn.

            He went back to his mother’s the next day and told her how disappointed he had been.  So she took him back to the park only this time he wore cowboy boots and a big cap.  He just passed.  He rode the go karts and had a great time.

            Like I said, he struggled.  I'm certain I could get support for the principle I tried to uphold.  His mother would likely get support for her actions albeit from a different perspective.  In any case my son knew we disagreed.  Some would say he took advantage of that but I think at seven it was more likely me or her using him to oppose one another.

            My goal was for him to be principled.  Hers was for him to get what he wanted.  He ended up struggling and often confused.

THE RIGHT MOVE

           “Damn she looks pretty.  It's been a long time since I really noticed.  So many hard words and bad feelings.  But I still love her so much. Damn.”  His words are thoughts as he watches his wife.  There is a growing feeling of urgency. “  I want to hold her.  Just walk over quietly, slit my arms around her waist and tighten up.  Feel my chin resting on her shoulder.  Breathe her smell.  Damn.”

            She is standing at the sink.  She is washing and cutting potatoes from the garden.  They dug them together that morning.  No arguments for a change. No words at all. Peace for a change.  A simple chore accomplished together.

            She is washing the harvest wearing a long loose dress.  Her hair is mussed.  Mud sticks to her bare feet.  She is humming along with a song playing on their daughter’s pink radio.  Just doing a simple thing not aware that he is there.

            “  Just lay my chin on her shoulder, but my arms around her and tighten.  Maybe she would smile and cozy up.  But maybe not.  Maybe she would push away.  Work to do she would say, not now.  Is that all you think about?  Then I would defend or shrink.  I’d shrink.  But maybe she wouldn't.  Damn she looks pretty.  Just walk over quietly.”

            She is humming to the music, enjoying a simple task and the pleasant mood.  They got through the day without a mess.  It feels good.  It feels fragile.

“  If I wait much longer she'll be through.  Or one of the kids will come along, or the phone will ring, or some thing will need doing.  If I wait much longer there will be nothing.”

She hears him coming.  She felt him behind her, watching her, a moment before but did not want to spoil the moment by reacting.  Now he is coming and she is afraid.

“  Don't think.  Just do it. Be gentle but firm.  Don't push.  Keep it short.  No pressure.  This is scary.  Damn.”

She turns her head towards him as he slides up smooth..  A nice warm fit.  She sighs.  He hugs, rests his chin on her shoulder, breathes deep.  A small kiss on her cheek.  One more squeeze.  He lets go.  She lets him go.  No words.  She resumes her work.

“Oh my.  Oh my.  I felt it.  I want to go back, grab, make it happen more.  That wouldn’t work.  Go slow.  It’s so fragile.”

She is smiling as he leaves the kitchen.  The volume of her humming increases.  Her feet in dance a little.  He made the right move.